I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
