apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
should my penis look like a turkey
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
