I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize