And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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