just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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