After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
