She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
