Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
