seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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