I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
