thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
