Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
