R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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