So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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