i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
