my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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