Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My ass is underappreciated
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
