Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
