Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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