Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
