Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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