what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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