Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
