I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
wow bdsm is so cute
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
