She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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