what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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