he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
