I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
