Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
