it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
