Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
