If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
