I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
