as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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