he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
