Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
