I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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