"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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