omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How does one acquire holy water?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
