you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
