Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I looked at my own cervix.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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