It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
