Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
