I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Pooping to opera.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
