Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
