I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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