i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
