Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
