he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize