if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
