Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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