no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize