Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He did a backflip because drugs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
