The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
