Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
