nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am puke
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
