i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
