dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
