remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
