I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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