he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize