You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You're a waste of cheezeits
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
