Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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