party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
