im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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