I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
